It is also a place where I am starting to become more comfortable with our REAL Names - but there is something that I love about Mishka & Ed - our crazy, internet, FAKE names ..... I'm pretty attached to those - it's like a silly security blanket for me - LOL!!!!!
Our latest episode is on The Label of Sex Addiction - Is it REAL? Is it a disease? Or is it just an excuse for BAD behavior?
I would love for you to join our discussion about it, it's such an interesting topic and if you know Ed and I by now, you know our thoughts lie in the middle! We also talk about our favorite recovery songs (Never Surrender - do you know who sings that???), my favorite segment is my Moment Of Zen , Ed's segment on Sex Addiction in The News (you would be amazed at the crazy news shit out there), and I also had a MAJOR growth moment that I had to share with our listeners!
We laugh, we bicker, we mess up, we love each other .... pretty much the usual in this crazy world!!!! Here is the link!!!
Our Latest Podcast - Is Sex Addiction Real???
Thank you everyone for all your support for this blog! It has truly inspired our podcast ..... I love the amazing feedback that I get from all of you! Thank you for that!!! It has helped me more than you know .... it's amazing to know that I can help, that I can give hope, and that I can put a smile on your face sometimes!!!!! So, that is what inspired our together project ... Our Fabby Podcast . Ed and I love doing it together and bringing our voice and our story out in another way!
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL .... and if you get a chance give us some FEEDBACK!! I would love to know what you think ..... You - my readers mean so very much to me ..... so check out the podcast when you can and give us a SHOUT OUT!!!!!
As you know I'm just beginning the journey of learning the depth of my husband's SA. Do I believe it's read, absofuckinglutely. I'm living it. He was in denial for so long, and I had NO idea the depth of his addiction. Now that I do, I'm on a roller coaster ride that I didn't sign up for, but I'm choosing to remain on. Something I never thought I'd deal with in my life. You, are an inspiration and I hope to learn a lot from your story.
ReplyDeleteThank YOU so very much for that !!!! You are so sweet and hearing that I have inspired you means SOOOOO much to me!!!! That is awesome! I am so sorry for the shit you are dealing with right now! It totally sucks ... and I KNOW that none of us signed up for any of it! What happened to happily ever after, right????
DeleteSex definitely can be an addiction AND once they understand the depth of it it is time for our men to "MAN UP" ... and make better choices! It affects too many of us and hopefully your hubby will take the tools that are out there and learn to live the life you both deserve .... for himself and for you!
Ed also got your other comment and wow ... thank you so much for reaching out! I just wish I could give you a BIG HUG! You need it sweetie!!! Ed is working on writing you back .... he so wants to support and help you so he will finish that tomorrow!!! I just wanted to let you know that it is definitely a priority!!!! AND ... we are both here for you!
I love your blog ... you are so brave to share your story the way you do! It's wonderful for others out there and I find that it is great for us to give a voice to the craziness swirling around in our brains! It really helps others know that they aren't alone ... and I think that is one of the most important things! Keep doing what you are doing ... it's wonderful !!!!
And, don't hesitate to ask me any questions, any time .... that's why I am here!!!! You can also email me at mishkas.life@gmail.com if you need to.
<3 Thank you hon. I appreciate all the support I can get at the moment. Truly.
DeleteMishka! It is now almost 4am and I have been staying awake and listening to your Spreaker podcasts and reading your blog and visiting Compulsion Solutions. Words cannot express how grateful I am to you and "Ed". I have been with my SA spouse for 16 years and married for almost 11 of that. The truth only came out 6.5 years ago. We have been on the rollercoaster many many times. At this particular moment in time, as I sit here at 4am just having finished listening to your podcast on whether trust can ever be regained again, we are in the rollercoaster dip. He's been working what he tells me is recovery for the last 8 months after lying about being in recovery for the 4-6 yrs preceeding that. And he's defensive and anxious and in his shame right now and I just don't trust him. Maybe he's telling the truth and he's not acting out. Maybe he isn't. All that I know is that I fought the long hard battle (complete with therapist, traumatic SANON experiences, couples therapists - yes plural, and separation) to stay open and loving when I just wanted to rip him limb from limb, and the outcome of that was that he continued to lie to me. "Poof!", another 6 yrs of my life gone to this disease. To add further shame to all this for me, I am a psychologist! (this is not my real name) So much for what people think, that psychologists have it all figured out! My husband and I are struggling right now, after a brief period of things seeming ok. We're both struggling with defensiveness an loneliness (yes, surprise surprise, he's anorexic and we haven't been physically intimate in 8 months!) and anger and anxiety, and your podcast was exactly what I needed. I asked Great Mother (that's what I call God/Spirit/Universe now) for help and I was guided to your show and I am so grateful. Thank you for your honesty, your openness and your spirit. It was a gift to me. Bless you both.
ReplyDeleteWow ... I am just so happy that you reached out to me! It was so weird when I read this ... I woke up at 3:45am (my phone weirdly rang, it was a wrong number and I was really startled by the ring) so while I had my phone in my hand I am not sure why but I checked my email on my phone ... and I saw you had wrote this a half hour earlier. I truly believe in the energy of the universe and I really felt yours! Your message was so honest, so truthful so full of pain ..... I had a hard time going back to sleep after reading it, I was just remembering the time when I was in your shoes and I just didn't know what to do and I was just trying to make some sense out of all the insanity! That is a scary place to be in .... I remember! And it makes me sad that so many people are suffering ... both the partners and the addicts!
DeleteFirst of all ... I wouldn't trust him either! It is natural and NORMAL not to trust him and it is going to take a lot to earn your trust back ... that is OK. Their addiction is so rooted in lies, and the lying is so good, that you just can't trust what comes out of his mouth right now.
Also, don't feel ANY shame because you are a psychologist and you think you should know better. I find that many people that work in that field, many social workers too find themselves caught up in this mess of life. I KNOW the reason is that you as a psychologist have a much more open mind. You believe in the good in people and that with the right help people can change .... I mean that is what you do. That is a WONDERFUL quality to have ... it truly is! So, to me it makes perfect sense that you are more willing to support someone through this ..... the problem is (and this happened to me) you just kind of get lost in it all and one day you wake up and are like "What the hell just happened here?"
And that is where you are at ... full of all the crazy emotions, anger, fear, shame, sadness, loneliness and everything else that goes along with this shit!!! I know you said that you tried to stay open and loving before .... I say just be you and be honest with your feelings! You don't have to love him right now, you really don't. Really feel your feelings, allow them a voice, love yourself for what you are going through .... you will have a harder time coming to peace with what you are going through if you don't allow yourself the time to be really wounded. It is OK and where you should be. Just remember it helps when communicating with your hubby to stick to how YOU feel and not shame or blame him. He is hurting too and ideally when you can learn to support each other, well that is when trust starts to evolve again and recovery of the relationship can begin.
It is an addiction, he does need help but it is not an excuse to treat you terribly. Hopefully he can take that label and understand to learn to make better choices! And if he doesn't and he continues to lie ... well just know that YOU deserve a FANTASTIC life ... you really do!!!!! Just know that!!!
I am curious about your traumatic SANON experience .... will you share that??? I am so glad that you found me!!!!! What kind of recovery steps are you both doing now? Any couples work? Are you working on yourself? Let me know if there is anything Ed or I can help you guys with!!!!!!!!! Hey ... do you have any songs that inspire you or you connect with through all of this? We have a segment on that on our podcast and I would love to give you a shout out! BTW - I love your fake name!!!!! Mishka is mine! Here is my email if you want to email me ... mishkas.life@gmail.com