The reality is we don't and certainly can't do that. Society for the most part judges our spouses for being douche bags and judges us for staying with such assholes. We are forced to put on happy faces and pretend like everything is normal ....
It is so hard pretending that your life is "normal", that your life isn't about to implode any second, especially in public. That is a really challenging part of navigating on this path of recovery. If you are getting divorced than maybe it is something you can tell, but not this .... definitely not this!
