My Fantasy World . . . Maybe

Ok .... I'm not sure if any of you ever have wondered why I call my hubby Ed?  Or at the start of my blog I called him A, short for Annakin Skywalker.  There is usually a method to my madness in most things that I do .... and creating the "secret" name for my fabulous, annoying, wonderful, douche bag, narcissistic and amazing hubby was definitely intensely thought out!

You can hear Ed and I on our  internet radio show on Spreaker , our latest episode Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Sex Addiction ..... talks about how we came up with Ed's "secret"name and some other fun stuff.  Click here.  It's also really great to hear Ed's perspective too on recovery, what was going on in his mind and how he is finally creating the life he wants ..... a happy life, not a life full of shame and guilt.

But, here are some written thoughts for you on me and my brain ......  I obviously have a thing for the poor, tortured soul ... I have been thinking a lot about that lately and I still can't figure out where that comes from.  Apparently that explains my love and patience for Ed .... but I must ask myself why.  But in the end it really doesn't matter does it?  While I enjoy analyzing these puzzles I also know that I am here, I am now, and I am happy!

LET IT BE .... Recovering From The Effects Of Ed's Sex Addiction

It is so tempting to stand on the rooftop and scream "My husband is a Sex Addict everyone!  He cheated, he lied, he ignored ... but please don't judge us, we are doing the best we can!" 

The reality is we don't and certainly can't do that.  Society for the most part judges our spouses for being douche bags and judges us for staying with such assholes.  We are forced to put on happy faces and pretend like everything is normal .... 


It is so hard pretending that your life is "normal", that your life isn't about to implode any second, especially in public.  That is a really challenging part of navigating on this path of recovery.  If you are getting divorced than maybe it is something you can tell, but not this .... definitely not this! 

Sex Addiction, Insanity & The Grandpa Room ....

You told me she was ready to be a mom ....

You wanted to live in a house together but date other people .....

You said you had sex with her and it was the most incredible experience of your life ....

You said you never really loved me .....

You also said to "Put it in the Grandpa Room" ......

What???!!!  First of all what is a Grandpa Room? .... And what am I even putting there?  OK - it was that last statement that brought me to the realization that he was actually INSANE!  All of the other things he said hurt ... and the hurt still runs deep ....  but once he told me to put it in the Grandpa Room, I realized what an insane place his mind was in.  He wasn't even on planet earth, actually he was somewhere in a galaxy far, far away (Star Wars anyone????). 

Sex addiction memories suck ... today RULES!

It's amazing when you reflect back on your life the feelings that it can create.  I often look back on my college years and I think of how much incredible fun we had ... or I think back to my childhood and I am brought back to my life as a hard core athlete (man, where did that athlete go???) ... I also reflect on our early days of marriage and the kids and again I think of all fantastic times.   It's interesting how I conveniently forget the struggles and craziness that has been part of our crazy life with sex addiction!

Being a positive person is my thing, my brain is just naturally wired that way.  I'm not sure why but I was born an optimist, I have always made people laugh and I can see the positive in ANY situation.  The glass is usually half full in my world .... which is a great way to live, an inspiring way to live actually.  Especially in the world that I live in,  this method of mindfulness has been so important for my day to day survival.

The HIGH of new love

I read an article today that really caught my attention.  It was named "Distinguishing Real Love from Love Addiction".  This was a great article, written by Sharon O'Hara, MFT.  I highly recommend reading it!  One sentence keeps ringing in my head.  It states that "People fall in love with the HIGH of new love".  That is so true, new relationships do give you a "HIGH".  And it is a wonderful high!

I mean, who doesn't love the start of a relationship?  When everything is so new and fun . . . you can't stop thinking about that person, just the mention of their name sends excitement throughout your body, their little 'quirks' are adorable . . . I could go on forever on how fantastic that is.  We have all been there and let's face it:  it's amazing!

But that "high" can be a problem for a love addict.  Love addicts are constantly chasing that high.  It acts like a drug in their brain, just like sex is the drug in the sex addict's brain.  This high is like a "magically altered state of reality" and once it wears off the person needs to find that again, even at the expense of their partner.

One Ring to Bind Them . . .

Do you ever hear a line from a movie that speaks right to you?  One that stops you in your tracks when you hear it?  A line of inspiration given in a moment when you need it most?  In that moment you actually believe that the universe might actually be speaking to you?

Yesterday, my hubby and I were watching one of the greatest movies of all time . . .  "Lord of The Rings".  The main character Frodo was feeling lost and confused, unsure as to why he had been giving the HUGE responsibility of destroying the ring (it's an evil ring, a darkness that consumes all that hold it    - hhmmm very interesting, sounds a bit like addiction, huh?) .  Anyway, he had to face challenge after challenge, testing his own strength and fortitude.  In a moment of weakness, a moment when he was feeling sorry for himself that life had dealt him this card, a moment where he felt he could not go on . . . this is what he said:

I wish this ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf, the great all knowing and wise wizard replies to him:

So do all who live to see such times but it is not for them to decide.  All you have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to you.