Break Free From Negative Thoughts

I want to take a quick moment and talk about thoughts. Our thoughts ... the thoughts that we can't seem to get out of our head, the thoughts that keep us up at night, the thoughts that seem to control us.

It's truly amazing how much of an impact those thoughts can have on our life and on our happiness. They also have a huge impact on our ability to heal.

You are here because you are trying to deal with the fact that your partner is struggling with a sex addiction &/or porn addiction. Most women that I talk to ask me the same question ...

"How do I manage the thoughts? The thoughts are CONSUMING! I can't sleep at night!" 

Our thoughts are generally tainted by our emotional reactions to what is going on around us ... so our fears, insecurities, traumas and experiences all have an affect on those thoughts. And your body and mind will believe what ever thoughts you put in your head. It's true.

And our thoughts are not always reality. Remember, they are influenced by our emotions. They may reflect a part of your reality BUT there is always more than 1 way to look at a situation.

Let me give you an example, I often hear "My husband has destroyed me, I will never heal from this!" That is a very emotional thought and you may very well connect with that comment ...  (and my heart always feels so much empathy for any woman going through this) ... but the truth is no one can destroy you.

You might go through pain and heartache but you always have the power to HEAL for you! You don't ever have to let someone's horrible choices define you. YOU define you!

Here is another example ... "I am stuck in this marriage because I just can't get out". Again, it may feel that way now but there is always a way out.

People get divorced all the time, you just have to create a plan. There are always solutions, it's just up to you to find those solutions.

And here is 1 more example ... "What kind of weak person would I be if I stayed in this marriage and try to work on this!" That isn't true ... some of us stay and some of us leave. Healing and recovery can happen for some and not for others.

There is nothing weak in trying to keep your family together , just as much as there is nothing weak in saying I have had enough and I want out. There is no one solution to healing from this sex & porn addiction. And it is OK to take time before making any huge decision.

So, you can see how there is more than 1 perspective to many of our thoughts. Especially our negative thoughts. A technique I use with the women who work with me is to CHALLENGE your negative, emotional thoughts.

Ask yourself if there is another perspective that can sit right next to that one. I'm not saying to tell yourself that you are wrong ... just ask yourself: "How else can I perceive this?" ... I guarantee there is another perspective.

So, a technique to managing those thoughts is challenging the reality of your negative thoughts:

• When you have a negative thought that says you can't do something:

Think of why you CAN do that thing.

• When you think of what might go wrong, challenge those negative thoughts:

Think about what CAN go right.

• When you feel the you have been destroyed:

Think of how you might grow through this for YOU.

Plant new seeds for positive thinking and positive living and you'll begin creating more happiness in your life.  Negative thoughts will be there … for all of us …. even positive people. If we try to pull them like a weed it will grow back … we need to learn to crowd out the negative thoughts with positive & reality ones.  

It is important though to accept the negative thought, give it a bit of compassion for even being there, and then bombard it with MANY posititve ones.   Don’t give the negative thought room to breathe or room to grow.  

We are always going to have them to some degree .. it is natural …  but we don’t have to allow them space to live, room to grow … we are saying ok, negative thought you are a part of my mind but YOU ARE NOT me!  

The more you tell yourself positive, awesome thoughts the more you will believe them!

Yoga Can Help You Heal From Your Partner's Sex &/Or Porn Addiction

Hello again to all of you fabulous women looking for support and growth on this journey of ours! I'm so honored that you are choosing to read my blog and hopefully learn something about healing from your partner's porn addiction &/or sex addiction. 

My goal is to help you know that you are not alone, to provide you with some support through this crisis and to  be a glimmer of hope (even if that glimmer is small) that you will absolutely be OK  .... AND  you WILL always shine, no matter what has happened. 

It is so important for you to know that NO ONE can take your power away. It may feel like your partner has ripped your power straight from your soul .... but the truth is that you have control over taking it back. You just need to take it day by day and begin taking care of you.

Part of the process of empowering yourself, is to make sure you are taking care of you. You can't begin to heal from this crap unless you are nurturing your body, mind and soul. That takes a conscious effort on a daily basis because the truth is that when we are stressed, overwhelmed, sad, depressed, anxious, etc. - the first thing to go is our basic human needs. 

And even if we do provide ourselves with some of those basic needs ...  we do the bare minimum. We barely eat, we sure don't make an effort to exercise, we surely can't sleep ... I'm sure you are connecting with what I'm saying! We do our best to get through the day but our mind is running so wild that it makes it hard to function.

So, it's so important to be proactive and do things for you that are going to help YOU. When I am working as a coach with my women, the most common thing they say is that they can't stop the thoughts. The thoughts come, the thoughts take over and the thoughts rule us throughout the day. 

When we are consumed by our thoughts we have such a hard time getting out of our heads. And that increases any of those intense emotions that we are feeling ... anxiety, depression, fear, insecurity, etc ....  And really, you can't heal until you are able to process your reality from a calmer place. So, that's one of the first places to start. Calming your mind!

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to calm your mind. "Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. It is living in the moment and awakening to your experiences in that moment." Through mindfulness you can learn to calm your mind and not get buried by your fears that are probably overwhelming you!

Calming the mind takes work, it takes practice and it is soooo hard for many people. YOGA is a wonderful way to begin practicing that. The beauty of yoga is that it provides you with a structure to achieve that state of mindfulness, of connection with yourself, of peace and it gives you a bit of a workout as well. All things that are crucial for the place you are in right now!!!

Especially when you are dealing with a trauma, YOGA can be crucial. I have begun taking yoga classes twice a week and I am amazed at how wonderful it is for me. Aside from the physical workout I get from it, it helps me is so many mental ways. 

I have learned about how wonderful yoga can be from my hubby, Craig Perra.  Most of you know he is an amazing life coach. His passion is helping men heal and grow from their sex & porn addiction. Through working with his men and his own personal healing journey he has fully embraced the gift that yoga can bring to each person. 

His latest path has been becoming a certified yoga instructor as well. For him, yoga is amazing for his physical body but just as importantly it is KEY for your mental health. And he has taught it to me. And it has been a gift!

It helps me calm my mind, connect with the parts of my body that are carrying my stress and it gives me a path to create mindfulness in my everyday life. When I go to yoga class, I am able to disconnect from the day and focus on ME. The truth is that I am just happier and I feel better when I do it! And it is up to me to continue to create that constant positivity in my life!


YOU are going through a major stress and yoga is one thing that can HELP you tremendously. Stress can wreak MAJOR havoc on your body. It reveals itself in so many ways ... including physical pain, sleep issues, anxiety, headaches, an inability to cope with everyday issues, depression, etc. 

Yoga helps with ALL of these things and can have a profound impact on your mental health. Yoga brings a sense of calm to your brain through mindfulness ... yoga is a perfect way to practice that. Nurturing your mental health right now is one of the most important things you can do for yourself!

Ok, if I haven't convinced you yet to try yoga, I am going to list some ways that it can help you heal ... right here and right now.

• Yoga Helps You Manage Stress

• Yoga Helps To Alleviate Anxiety & Reduce Depression

• Yoga Helps You Sleep Better

• Yoga Can Relieve Migraines

• Yoga Makes You Happier

• Yoga Brings a Sense Of Calm 

• Yoga Lowers Blood Pressure

Yoga has so many benefits, physical and mental and it is seriously a gift that you can give to yourself.   And right now, you need to be giving yourself a gift. I say, give yourself the gift of YOGA. I did and it is wonderful !!!! 

Take a local yoga class, find some yoga videos, download a yoga app ... there are so many ways that you can start. Don't make excuses that you are too tired, or you can't get out of bed or you are too stressed. Here is something you can proactively do to help YOU heal for YOU. Healing is about taking action for yourself. I know you can do it!!!  You will be thanking yourself!!!!

Today, I'm Thankful For ....

Happy THANKSGIVING!!!!

Hello my amazing ladies out there! I wanted to take a minute and reflect on Thanksgiving last week.  I love the holidays, I really do! This can be an absolutely wonderful time of year .... the cooking, the travel, the friends, the extra efforts to connect, the connection with family .... I LOVE this part of the holidays. 

AND, for some (and may be true if you are here, reading this blog looking for support because your partner may have a sex or porn addiction) it can be an extremely stressful and emotional time of year. Holidays bring out the best and worst in many ways.

The holidays can remind us of what we feel we have lost. They remind us that life shouldn't be this hard. The holidays bring up expectations of what our partners should be doing or how they should be acting. All of these feelings then roll together and bring up disappointment. 

Then because the holidays are supposed to be happy, easy and full of love, we get caught up in resentment. And then the resentment turns into anger, we are short tempered, agitated and overwhelmed .....  and now our Thanksgiving sucks!

Wow, I didn't paint a very Thanksgivingy picture, did I? I'm sorry about that, I am ... and if you are struggling right now to keep it together, please know that I understand! I understand all too well .... I understand that this is an all too common pattern that happens during the holidays. 

It happens and then when you least expect it, it comes on suddenly ... slapping you in the face and knocking the wind out of you. I know how shitty that feels!!!! I personally went through it with Craig too many times and every woman that I coach feels it too.

I ALSO know that the reality is that we DO have some control over how our holidays go. It's all about perspective and choice! I know, it's easier said than done. I get that ... but I also know that this is what I do and how I got through the mess that was my life for a while. I could choose to let it consume me or I could choose to allow another perspective to sit on the same level as my negative emotions.

Thanksgiving is a good time to think about that perspective. There is much to be thankful for in your life beyond your partner's addiction. Your kids, your friends, your fulfilling hobbies, your parents, the awesome new pair of boots you just bought yourself, the glittery, fabulous new eyeshadow your friend just gave to you, the fact that you have been able to stay home with your kids, the weather (I love that one because i now live in CA and I just love the warmer weather here) .... I can keep going but you get the idea. Think about it for a moment .... what else in your life are you THANKFUL for?

Once you can identify what else is good in your life (and if you can't think of anything than think again and challenge yourself .... there is plenty good that is happening right now, you just need to CHOOSE to see it) then take in that GOOD in your life ... then ALLOW it to sit side by side with the negative. 

We cannot allow the negative to completely invade our soul. So, we work WITH IT .... don't always try to fight it. You don't have to see life as all or nothing. You don't have to be HAPPY OR SAD. You can be both, which is probably your reality. Trying to fight the negative too much creates more emotions and negativity.

But, challenging the negativity and leaving room for the good too can have a powerful effect on your soul. The more you allow the positive to sit along side the negative the more influence the positive will have on your thoughts. 

And the more you will start creating a habit of choosing your perspective. There is always different ways that we can choose to see our life, don't get consumed in all the negative!

So, ask  yourself ... What are YOU THANKFUL for? When overwhelmed, remind yourself of the good in your life. It can make a big difference. The holidays are full of so many things. And the reality is that the only thing that you have control over is YOU. So, start now by reminding yourself what you are thankful for each and every day of your life!!!!!!  You will get through this .... I PROMISE!

And Craig, my hubby, made a video on The Mindful Habit you tube channel or the guys .... about Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving: Are you grateful for your addiction yet?. He talks about being grateful for the addiction because of the CHANGE that is forces us to make. When we choose to make change in our lives, so much amazingness is possible!!!!! And we can ALL be grateful for that!!!

We Were On Lifetime's Reality Show "Living With The Enemy"

Hello to my fabulous ladies out there!  I know it's been a crazy long time since I posted here ... but I wanted to say a quick hello and keep you updated about our newest adventure. Craig and I were on a reality show on Lifetime. Well, it was much more Craig but I do appear in 2 small scenes. It was intense, emotional and an experience we will never forget.

The show itself is called "Living With The Enemy" and it appeared on Lifetime. Our actual episode was called "Naked or Afraid". The premise of the show is having 2 people with very different viewpoints on a particular topic live and experience each other's world. Living with the other person, and experiencing their life from their perspective, allows the participants to see things from another angle and hopefully bring up some really interesting discussions. So, it's kind of like "Wife Swap" except it's more like a Life Swap.

So, our episode was regarding pornography and the big huge discussion around that. Craig was paired with a very well known porn actress, Maddy O'Reilly. Craig obviously was on the side of being anti-porn and trying to get her to see the effect that pornography can have on our society, ourselves and our children. Her position pro porn and that not all porn is evil or bad and she wanted the viewers to see that not everyone is screwed up who is in the porn industry. She was on the porn is empowering side.

So, why did we agree to go on a reality TV show and let our lives be seen by all of AMERICA??!!! Some of you may be thinking about how CRAZY we are! It really was a hard decision to go through with it. First of all, we all know what happens on reality TV. You don't have control and this is a VERY sensitive topic. But, the reality is this is something that NEEDS to be talked about. We need to start bringing the issue of pornography and porn addiction out in the open. Stop hiding behind our fears of being judged and start talking about the effect that this is having on so many men, women and families. 

And hopefully by speaking out, being vulnerable, and allowing others to see that they are not alone ... we can help many more families that are struggling and need support. And there are many people that don't appreciate the impact that pornography can have on us as a society and what it is providing for our kids. We really wanted to raise awareness and start having a discussion on pornography and it's impact.

It was an amazing experience for us. It brought up a ton of emotions for both of us, especially Craig, and it was intense to say the least. I just really wanted to share it with you guys!!!

So, the episode aired a few weeks ago. Here is a link to the show .... you can only get it on AMAZON  right now. It's under Lifetime's "Living With The Enemy" and then go to the "Naked or Afraid" episode. 

Please, watch it .... let me know what you think? What are your thoughts? I want to hear the good and the bad and the ugly ....  I would love honest feedback ... and let's have a discussion on it. That's why we did it!!!!!

HOW To Survive Your Partner's Sex or Porn Addiction

WOW ... I just need to take a moment and send out a great big, loving hello to all of my AMAZING ladies out there! It has been so long since I have given this blog my attention and it is about time that I do just that. 

I wanted to take a minute and write about a question that I hear so often from partners ... "How Do I Get Through This?" .... That's what I hear ... HOW? As partners you probably don't even know where to begin. The truth is that we don't have to let our partner's sex addiction or porn addiction suck the life out of us. I hear so often that women feel "destroyed" ..... the truth is that we may not have control over what has happened, but what you do have control of is YOU! That's the reality!

The reality is that the only thing we CAN control is ourselves and we need to know how to move past our trauma and live in the present moment ... it is only then that we can move forward and be happy in whatever way that looks. Moving forward and empowering ourselves helps us to make the best decisions that we can for us. These are invaluable life lessons and although this applies directly t the crisis that you are currently going through, this is so useful for most of life as well.

When faced with this crisis .... How are you going to cope? How are you going to learn from it? How are you going to grow and change in awesome ways that help YOU?

The truth is that you can use this opportunity to do all of these things. And I know right now, you just need help doing that. You need help, help that can guide you toward positivity and healing to help empower you. I strive to empower the partners that I work with and not let the circumstances in their lives suck the life out of them! Life is way too short for that!!!!

Really, this journey needs a path to follow. Now, everyone's journey is different ... but the path starts the same. The path may lead you in different directions but there is a path that can help guide you during this time. I find that so many women need a path that is motivating, inspiring and positive to help empower you to begin this healing journey. Part of the journey is dependent on your partner ... AND part of that depends on you.

Hopefully your partner is getting the help he needs. Wether he is or not ... YOU need to be in control of healing you. Our happiness can never be tied directly to our partners. Happiness starts within YOU .... no matter what!!!

I put together a FREE Partner Survival Guide to help give my ladies some guidance to help cope in a positive and empowering way. It helps to know that I have gone through it too, I've felt what you feel now, I know the hopelessness that hangs there, I know the feeling of insecurity .... AND I also know how to heal, how to be empowered in ways I never was before, how to be HAPPY no matter what life throws at me!

Anyway, my Partner Survival Guide is too long for 1 blog post ... so here it is in a nutshell. Just go to the link and you can download the pdf right there.

1. Allow Yourself Time To Make Any Big Decisions
2. Take Care of Yourself
3. Find Support
4. Feel Your Feelings Without Judgement
5. Focus of EFFECTIVE Communication
6. Practice Mindfulness
7. Create Healthy Boundaries
8. Accept The Past Wont Change & Strive To Move Forward
9. Do Something Special for YOU - Hobbies
10. Bring Awareness To The Positive - Where is Your Opportunity

Go to this page and download this Free Guide to help you begin your own journey toward healing. Don't forget how important it is to take care of yourself ... not just the healing of your partner.

Remember, you are NOT alone in this!!! Be strong ... you CAN heal !!!!

Guest Blog .... "What I Learned From Dating A Porn Addict With Bipolar Disorder"

The journey of healing from sex and porn addiction that Craig and I have been on has certainly been an interesting one. It has provided us with such amazing growth, awareness, presence, connection and a new passion to help others. It has led us to some amazing women, some amazing men and some amazing couples!!! I love how once Craig and I talk about what we do for a living (coaching men, women and couples to heal from this addiction) and openly tell people our story how people feel incredibly comfortable reaching out for support. I wanted to share this story from an AMAZING WOMAN, a friend of mine, who decided to write down her story, what she learned and share it with others. I am sooo proud of her and I know this blog needed to be shared ... THANK YOU my friend for putting yourself out there, it is so incredibly brave!!!

"What I Learned From Dating A Porn Addict With Bipolar Disorder"

If you’re reading this, thank you. I assume it is because you are either dealing with something similar, know someone in this situation, or frankly are just curious about my experiences; any of which are perfectly OK with me.

I decided to speak about my experiences because they matter. They matter because they happened to me and because I am a human being with feelings that need to be expressed. They also matter because too many men and women are going through this same thing and sometimes we just need to hear someone talk about an experience that we are all too familiar with, but sometimes are scared to say out loud. It’s important to talk about this in a way that doesn’t shame the addict, and doesn’t victimize the partner opposite of an addict.

Writing this is a healing process for me. The shock of my break-up and the reasons behind it are still very real and hard for me. I don’t aim to air my dirty laundry for pity, or cast negative light on someone I still love very much, but rather to hopefully inspire the motivation for change in others who might be struggling with a porn addiction.

Can YOU Feed Your Right Wolf?

Hi everyone! I am just going to start this blog with another, I can't believe how LONG it has been since I have spewed my words all over here! So, I'm sorry about that ... I know many of my AMAZING ladies out there really look for support and guidance and it is important to me to keep that up because we all know that I care and truly want to support this community ... even if it is just SENDING OUT A BIG HUG to you all!!! So, here is my HUG!!!!

One thing that has been keeping me busy is that Craig and I (or Ed if you only read about us on here) have become the official Recovery Coaches for the website Feed The Right Wolf. It is a wonderful and VERY popular resource for people struggling with sex or porn addiction and their partners.  

If you don't already know the story of what Feed The Right Wolf means, it's pretty motivating. Basically, it is an old Native American tale of a father who was talking to his son and explains that 2 wolves live inside of us .... one good and one bad. The boy asks his dad "which wolf wins". And the dad replies "The One You Feed".  

Free Webinar For Porn Addiction

Hello everyone!  Really cool day today, my amazing hubby is co-hosting a FREE webinar talking about porn addiction, understanding it and how to start making healthy choices.



I am really excited for him to have a place to help other men and hopefully inspire them to embrace their lives and start truly living it!!!!  I think it's a great resource to pass on to some partners who maybe need a little extra motivation, understanding of their porn problems or just to listen to 2 guys who have been there turned their lives around and saved their marriages!

How Do We Cope With The Insanity Of Betrayal?

Hello my AMAZING ladies out there! I have not been writing very much lately and I have felt really bummed about that. I'm sorry that it seemed that I have kind of dropped off my blog ... I have been doing a lot of work helping women and couples through this mess and it has been sooo rewarding! I get busy though and I have sooo missed this awesome place where I can just spew my verbal diarrhea ... and hopefully INSPIRE someone along the way!

SO, here is a GREAT question that one of my fabulous women asked me and I wanted to share my answer with you .... I think it is something that many women wonder and struggle with. So, maybe this can help a bit ...

Here is what she asked:   
How did u ever get through this? I don't think I can ... Why me?

This is such a commonly asked question and I think that so many of us ask this question to ourselves over and over and over until our minds are spinning out of control. It is a simple yet oh, so complex question. There is just no easy answer on how to get through this, or how to feel better.  This part truly sucks!  But here is how I got through it ... ... it was VERY hard and VERY painful and VERY sucky!!!! I wont sugar coat that part at all, that is the reality.  

Ask Mishka About YOUR Spouse's Sex Addiction ...

Many women email me during the earlier stages of discovery / recovery of their spouse's sex addiction and just need some guidance from others who have SURVIVED the insanity of it all.  Today I want to answer some really common questions that I get from women, women who are lost, confused, scared and truly are just trying to keep it together one day at a time.  

I remember that time so clearly, just making it until dinner time was a chore for me.  The uncertainty of our future, keeping it together for the kids, putting a smile on my face when I was out in public and trying to make sense of the reality that was now my life was almost too much to bear!!  But I did bear it … we all survive … and it helps to reach out for support from the blogging world, there is so much support to be found here and I just want to say a big Thank You to all the awesome women who share their stories … we can all learn so much from each other!!!!!  

How Do We Embrace "The Climb" ?

In my experience, Life seems to throw at us the VERY THING that we need to work on the most.  As annoying as it sounds, it's true.  For me, it's  money.  I don't mean I want to be a billionaire, but financial security is and always has been important to me.  I need it for my own feelings of SAFETY, just enough to pay the bills, take care of my family and have a few extra fun things in life.  Of course, I would love to have tons of it (who wouldn't?) but to feel safe, I just need to know that I have enough to get by on.

Right now, I don't have the luxury of that safety.  Ed and I are reinventing ourselves, passionate about supporting others through the hell of sex addiction and helping them to come out the other side with an AMAZING life!   But money is tight, really tight (as we all know, Ed spent most of it in his downward spiral) ... and things keep getting thrown in my face to challenge my feelings of safety ... (you know, the car breaks down, or doctor bills, or a damn huge tax bill comes in the mail ... I could keep going but I wont ... LOL).  It is so easy to lose focus of that dream we have or that dream that I HAVE.  That money issue just stays there, lingering in the air ... taunting me every chance it gets and trying to convince me that I should take the safe path, the easy path.

Freedom ... Ain't It Sweet!

Today is the 4th of July, a day to celebrate freedom for our country. For many people it means, parties, food, friends, fireworks, booze ... and anything else that goes along with a big ole' celebration!  Most years I don't even think about the meaning too much, it's just a totally FUN holiday where no one works and we watch really cool, sparkly and awesome fireworks!!!  (I just love the glittery ones ... they always make me smile).  

So, it's been a pretty tough but incredible year this year.  With that in mind the concept of this holiday today got me thinking.  My brain has been completely lost in thought , thinking about what freedom means for me right here, right now!  For me it is a bit different than the patriotic kind ... and I just want to take a quick moment to recognize the things that I want to celebrate today ... 
here, in this moment!!!! 

Today IS about FREEDOM .....

Living in the NOW ....but scared of the FUTURE!

I'm always talking about how we need to live in the present, move forward from the past and not to predict the future.  Appreciate what we have right now.  I believe that .... I truly and whole heartedly do.  Despite the crazy life that I have chosen, I try and stay positive, I embrace the happiness that we feel now and I try to feel the love that Ed and I are working hard to regain!  I love him so very much and I do know that he loves me!


BUT . . . the other night Ed and I were talking about how scared I sometimes feel about OUR future.  I can live in the present moment but I can't ignore the idea that Ed could at some point in the future make a horribly wrong choice and lose himself in his addictions again.  It would be incredibly naive to think that it could NEVER happen.  I hope it wont ... I really, really hope it wont .... BUT it could.

The HIGH of new love

I read an article today that really caught my attention.  It was named "Distinguishing Real Love from Love Addiction".  This was a great article, written by Sharon O'Hara, MFT.  I highly recommend reading it!  One sentence keeps ringing in my head.  It states that "People fall in love with the HIGH of new love".  That is so true, new relationships do give you a "HIGH".  And it is a wonderful high!

I mean, who doesn't love the start of a relationship?  When everything is so new and fun . . . you can't stop thinking about that person, just the mention of their name sends excitement throughout your body, their little 'quirks' are adorable . . . I could go on forever on how fantastic that is.  We have all been there and let's face it:  it's amazing!

But that "high" can be a problem for a love addict.  Love addicts are constantly chasing that high.  It acts like a drug in their brain, just like sex is the drug in the sex addict's brain.  This high is like a "magically altered state of reality" and once it wears off the person needs to find that again, even at the expense of their partner.

One Ring to Bind Them . . .

Do you ever hear a line from a movie that speaks right to you?  One that stops you in your tracks when you hear it?  A line of inspiration given in a moment when you need it most?  In that moment you actually believe that the universe might actually be speaking to you?

Yesterday, my hubby and I were watching one of the greatest movies of all time . . .  "Lord of The Rings".  The main character Frodo was feeling lost and confused, unsure as to why he had been giving the HUGE responsibility of destroying the ring (it's an evil ring, a darkness that consumes all that hold it    - hhmmm very interesting, sounds a bit like addiction, huh?) .  Anyway, he had to face challenge after challenge, testing his own strength and fortitude.  In a moment of weakness, a moment when he was feeling sorry for himself that life had dealt him this card, a moment where he felt he could not go on . . . this is what he said:

I wish this ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf, the great all knowing and wise wizard replies to him:

So do all who live to see such times but it is not for them to decide.  All you have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to you.