Yoga Can Help You Heal From Your Partner's Sex &/Or Porn Addiction

Hello again to all of you fabulous women looking for support and growth on this journey of ours! I'm so honored that you are choosing to read my blog and hopefully learn something about healing from your partner's porn addiction &/or sex addiction. 

My goal is to help you know that you are not alone, to provide you with some support through this crisis and to  be a glimmer of hope (even if that glimmer is small) that you will absolutely be OK  .... AND  you WILL always shine, no matter what has happened. 

It is so important for you to know that NO ONE can take your power away. It may feel like your partner has ripped your power straight from your soul .... but the truth is that you have control over taking it back. You just need to take it day by day and begin taking care of you.

Part of the process of empowering yourself, is to make sure you are taking care of you. You can't begin to heal from this crap unless you are nurturing your body, mind and soul. That takes a conscious effort on a daily basis because the truth is that when we are stressed, overwhelmed, sad, depressed, anxious, etc. - the first thing to go is our basic human needs. 

And even if we do provide ourselves with some of those basic needs ...  we do the bare minimum. We barely eat, we sure don't make an effort to exercise, we surely can't sleep ... I'm sure you are connecting with what I'm saying! We do our best to get through the day but our mind is running so wild that it makes it hard to function.

So, it's so important to be proactive and do things for you that are going to help YOU. When I am working as a coach with my women, the most common thing they say is that they can't stop the thoughts. The thoughts come, the thoughts take over and the thoughts rule us throughout the day. 

When we are consumed by our thoughts we have such a hard time getting out of our heads. And that increases any of those intense emotions that we are feeling ... anxiety, depression, fear, insecurity, etc ....  And really, you can't heal until you are able to process your reality from a calmer place. So, that's one of the first places to start. Calming your mind!

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to calm your mind. "Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. It is living in the moment and awakening to your experiences in that moment." Through mindfulness you can learn to calm your mind and not get buried by your fears that are probably overwhelming you!

Calming the mind takes work, it takes practice and it is soooo hard for many people. YOGA is a wonderful way to begin practicing that. The beauty of yoga is that it provides you with a structure to achieve that state of mindfulness, of connection with yourself, of peace and it gives you a bit of a workout as well. All things that are crucial for the place you are in right now!!!

Especially when you are dealing with a trauma, YOGA can be crucial. I have begun taking yoga classes twice a week and I am amazed at how wonderful it is for me. Aside from the physical workout I get from it, it helps me is so many mental ways. 

I have learned about how wonderful yoga can be from my hubby, Craig Perra.  Most of you know he is an amazing life coach. His passion is helping men heal and grow from their sex & porn addiction. Through working with his men and his own personal healing journey he has fully embraced the gift that yoga can bring to each person. 

His latest path has been becoming a certified yoga instructor as well. For him, yoga is amazing for his physical body but just as importantly it is KEY for your mental health. And he has taught it to me. And it has been a gift!

It helps me calm my mind, connect with the parts of my body that are carrying my stress and it gives me a path to create mindfulness in my everyday life. When I go to yoga class, I am able to disconnect from the day and focus on ME. The truth is that I am just happier and I feel better when I do it! And it is up to me to continue to create that constant positivity in my life!


YOU are going through a major stress and yoga is one thing that can HELP you tremendously. Stress can wreak MAJOR havoc on your body. It reveals itself in so many ways ... including physical pain, sleep issues, anxiety, headaches, an inability to cope with everyday issues, depression, etc. 

Yoga helps with ALL of these things and can have a profound impact on your mental health. Yoga brings a sense of calm to your brain through mindfulness ... yoga is a perfect way to practice that. Nurturing your mental health right now is one of the most important things you can do for yourself!

Ok, if I haven't convinced you yet to try yoga, I am going to list some ways that it can help you heal ... right here and right now.

• Yoga Helps You Manage Stress

• Yoga Helps To Alleviate Anxiety & Reduce Depression

• Yoga Helps You Sleep Better

• Yoga Can Relieve Migraines

• Yoga Makes You Happier

• Yoga Brings a Sense Of Calm 

• Yoga Lowers Blood Pressure

Yoga has so many benefits, physical and mental and it is seriously a gift that you can give to yourself.   And right now, you need to be giving yourself a gift. I say, give yourself the gift of YOGA. I did and it is wonderful !!!! 

Take a local yoga class, find some yoga videos, download a yoga app ... there are so many ways that you can start. Don't make excuses that you are too tired, or you can't get out of bed or you are too stressed. Here is something you can proactively do to help YOU heal for YOU. Healing is about taking action for yourself. I know you can do it!!!  You will be thanking yourself!!!!

HOW To Survive Your Partner's Sex or Porn Addiction

WOW ... I just need to take a moment and send out a great big, loving hello to all of my AMAZING ladies out there! It has been so long since I have given this blog my attention and it is about time that I do just that. 

I wanted to take a minute and write about a question that I hear so often from partners ... "How Do I Get Through This?" .... That's what I hear ... HOW? As partners you probably don't even know where to begin. The truth is that we don't have to let our partner's sex addiction or porn addiction suck the life out of us. I hear so often that women feel "destroyed" ..... the truth is that we may not have control over what has happened, but what you do have control of is YOU! That's the reality!

The reality is that the only thing we CAN control is ourselves and we need to know how to move past our trauma and live in the present moment ... it is only then that we can move forward and be happy in whatever way that looks. Moving forward and empowering ourselves helps us to make the best decisions that we can for us. These are invaluable life lessons and although this applies directly t the crisis that you are currently going through, this is so useful for most of life as well.

When faced with this crisis .... How are you going to cope? How are you going to learn from it? How are you going to grow and change in awesome ways that help YOU?

The truth is that you can use this opportunity to do all of these things. And I know right now, you just need help doing that. You need help, help that can guide you toward positivity and healing to help empower you. I strive to empower the partners that I work with and not let the circumstances in their lives suck the life out of them! Life is way too short for that!!!!

Really, this journey needs a path to follow. Now, everyone's journey is different ... but the path starts the same. The path may lead you in different directions but there is a path that can help guide you during this time. I find that so many women need a path that is motivating, inspiring and positive to help empower you to begin this healing journey. Part of the journey is dependent on your partner ... AND part of that depends on you.

Hopefully your partner is getting the help he needs. Wether he is or not ... YOU need to be in control of healing you. Our happiness can never be tied directly to our partners. Happiness starts within YOU .... no matter what!!!

I put together a FREE Partner Survival Guide to help give my ladies some guidance to help cope in a positive and empowering way. It helps to know that I have gone through it too, I've felt what you feel now, I know the hopelessness that hangs there, I know the feeling of insecurity .... AND I also know how to heal, how to be empowered in ways I never was before, how to be HAPPY no matter what life throws at me!

Anyway, my Partner Survival Guide is too long for 1 blog post ... so here it is in a nutshell. Just go to the link and you can download the pdf right there.

1. Allow Yourself Time To Make Any Big Decisions
2. Take Care of Yourself
3. Find Support
4. Feel Your Feelings Without Judgement
5. Focus of EFFECTIVE Communication
6. Practice Mindfulness
7. Create Healthy Boundaries
8. Accept The Past Wont Change & Strive To Move Forward
9. Do Something Special for YOU - Hobbies
10. Bring Awareness To The Positive - Where is Your Opportunity

Go to this page and download this Free Guide to help you begin your own journey toward healing. Don't forget how important it is to take care of yourself ... not just the healing of your partner.

Remember, you are NOT alone in this!!! Be strong ... you CAN heal !!!!

Can YOU Feed Your Right Wolf?

Hi everyone! I am just going to start this blog with another, I can't believe how LONG it has been since I have spewed my words all over here! So, I'm sorry about that ... I know many of my AMAZING ladies out there really look for support and guidance and it is important to me to keep that up because we all know that I care and truly want to support this community ... even if it is just SENDING OUT A BIG HUG to you all!!! So, here is my HUG!!!!

One thing that has been keeping me busy is that Craig and I (or Ed if you only read about us on here) have become the official Recovery Coaches for the website Feed The Right Wolf. It is a wonderful and VERY popular resource for people struggling with sex or porn addiction and their partners.  

If you don't already know the story of what Feed The Right Wolf means, it's pretty motivating. Basically, it is an old Native American tale of a father who was talking to his son and explains that 2 wolves live inside of us .... one good and one bad. The boy asks his dad "which wolf wins". And the dad replies "The One You Feed".  

How Do We Cope With The Insanity Of Betrayal?

Hello my AMAZING ladies out there! I have not been writing very much lately and I have felt really bummed about that. I'm sorry that it seemed that I have kind of dropped off my blog ... I have been doing a lot of work helping women and couples through this mess and it has been sooo rewarding! I get busy though and I have sooo missed this awesome place where I can just spew my verbal diarrhea ... and hopefully INSPIRE someone along the way!

SO, here is a GREAT question that one of my fabulous women asked me and I wanted to share my answer with you .... I think it is something that many women wonder and struggle with. So, maybe this can help a bit ...

Here is what she asked:   
How did u ever get through this? I don't think I can ... Why me?

This is such a commonly asked question and I think that so many of us ask this question to ourselves over and over and over until our minds are spinning out of control. It is a simple yet oh, so complex question. There is just no easy answer on how to get through this, or how to feel better.  This part truly sucks!  But here is how I got through it ... ... it was VERY hard and VERY painful and VERY sucky!!!! I wont sugar coat that part at all, that is the reality.  

PART 2 of "To Sex Or Not To Sex With Sex Addiction"

HELLO, I'm back!  I've been away a little longer than I intended to be but things have been really busy for us this past month!  I feel like I have so much to say in my head but I just can't find time to write it all down!

Life can be insane enough as it is ...  it's no wonder that women practically lose their minds with having to cope with their hubby's sex addiction.  I mean it's emotional and exhausting enough to just stay in the relationship (and fight off the overwhelming desire to chop their hubby's penis's off - LOL).

And then to top it off, like you don't work hard enough at just keeping your sanity ... you have people like me, telling you that in recovery you BOTH have to work on yourselves and your relationship!!!!  That just doesn't sound fair, huh?  Like you have the damn energy for that ... it's his problem right?  You didn't do anything to create this klusterfuck of chaos so he should do most of the work, right?

To answer my own silly questions .... no, it isn't fair!  We didn't ask for this and it is wrong that our suffering has to travel so deep into the core of our soul.  AND, unfortunately sitting back and waiting for him to do his recovery work doesn't help create the life, the intimacy and the relationship that WE want.  We have power too, we have a say and we know what we want.  And what we want is Happiness, Trust, Intimacy and AWESOME SEX!!!!!  

How Do We Embrace "The Climb" ?

In my experience, Life seems to throw at us the VERY THING that we need to work on the most.  As annoying as it sounds, it's true.  For me, it's  money.  I don't mean I want to be a billionaire, but financial security is and always has been important to me.  I need it for my own feelings of SAFETY, just enough to pay the bills, take care of my family and have a few extra fun things in life.  Of course, I would love to have tons of it (who wouldn't?) but to feel safe, I just need to know that I have enough to get by on.

Right now, I don't have the luxury of that safety.  Ed and I are reinventing ourselves, passionate about supporting others through the hell of sex addiction and helping them to come out the other side with an AMAZING life!   But money is tight, really tight (as we all know, Ed spent most of it in his downward spiral) ... and things keep getting thrown in my face to challenge my feelings of safety ... (you know, the car breaks down, or doctor bills, or a damn huge tax bill comes in the mail ... I could keep going but I wont ... LOL).  It is so easy to lose focus of that dream we have or that dream that I HAVE.  That money issue just stays there, lingering in the air ... taunting me every chance it gets and trying to convince me that I should take the safe path, the easy path.

Can 2 Steps Back Be A Gift ??

Do you ever feel like recovery with your spouse is going ok, you are in a place that you can handle and things are looking way better only to be surprised when all of a sudden the two of you have taken 2 steps back?!!  This really sucks and I KNOW that we all have been there.

This is so true about most of life, with your relationship, with your job, with exercising, with friendships ... whatever!  Steps back frustrate us, make us want to quit, make us feel like all is hopeless!  It's as if those steps back put us right where we started and what was the use of all that work that we just did anyway?  In fact, it is the point where most of us WANT to quit .... and sadly it is also the point where many people DO give up!