PART 2 of "To Sex Or Not To Sex With Sex Addiction"

HELLO, I'm back!  I've been away a little longer than I intended to be but things have been really busy for us this past month!  I feel like I have so much to say in my head but I just can't find time to write it all down!

Life can be insane enough as it is ...  it's no wonder that women practically lose their minds with having to cope with their hubby's sex addiction.  I mean it's emotional and exhausting enough to just stay in the relationship (and fight off the overwhelming desire to chop their hubby's penis's off - LOL).

And then to top it off, like you don't work hard enough at just keeping your sanity ... you have people like me, telling you that in recovery you BOTH have to work on yourselves and your relationship!!!!  That just doesn't sound fair, huh?  Like you have the damn energy for that ... it's his problem right?  You didn't do anything to create this klusterfuck of chaos so he should do most of the work, right?

To answer my own silly questions .... no, it isn't fair!  We didn't ask for this and it is wrong that our suffering has to travel so deep into the core of our soul.  AND, unfortunately sitting back and waiting for him to do his recovery work doesn't help create the life, the intimacy and the relationship that WE want.  We have power too, we have a say and we know what we want.  And what we want is Happiness, Trust, Intimacy and AWESOME SEX!!!!!  

LET IT BE .... Recovering From The Effects Of Ed's Sex Addiction

It is so tempting to stand on the rooftop and scream "My husband is a Sex Addict everyone!  He cheated, he lied, he ignored ... but please don't judge us, we are doing the best we can!" 

The reality is we don't and certainly can't do that.  Society for the most part judges our spouses for being douche bags and judges us for staying with such assholes.  We are forced to put on happy faces and pretend like everything is normal .... 


It is so hard pretending that your life is "normal", that your life isn't about to implode any second, especially in public.  That is a really challenging part of navigating on this path of recovery.  If you are getting divorced than maybe it is something you can tell, but not this .... definitely not this! 

Sex addiction memories suck ... today RULES!

It's amazing when you reflect back on your life the feelings that it can create.  I often look back on my college years and I think of how much incredible fun we had ... or I think back to my childhood and I am brought back to my life as a hard core athlete (man, where did that athlete go???) ... I also reflect on our early days of marriage and the kids and again I think of all fantastic times.   It's interesting how I conveniently forget the struggles and craziness that has been part of our crazy life with sex addiction!

Being a positive person is my thing, my brain is just naturally wired that way.  I'm not sure why but I was born an optimist, I have always made people laugh and I can see the positive in ANY situation.  The glass is usually half full in my world .... which is a great way to live, an inspiring way to live actually.  Especially in the world that I live in,  this method of mindfulness has been so important for my day to day survival.

Triggers . . .

As Ed and I move forward together I find that I can get triggered by something (his actions, his words or even a place) that reminds me of those bad times.  It's like I am brought right back into that moment of craziness, sadness and feelings of betrayal that I had during the "rough times".  These triggers of "insanity" as I like to call them, can be so subtle that I don't even realize why I am feeling so emotional, angry or maybe even resentful.  Or the triggers can be so blazingly obvious that I actually find it hard to breathe!

So, here is an example of something that triggers me all the time . . . ok - there is this path by my house.  It is a great path, a relaxing path where my kids and I ride bikes and take walks.  I LOVE that path!  Well, so does Ed.  When Ed's addiction was starting to crumble and he began to see that life couldn't continue his way, he walked on the path a lot.  He agreed to stay home this particular weekend but that was sooo hard for him at that point.  He was actually withdrawing from his "drug" . . . SEX.