My Sex Addict Husband ... If I knew then, What I know Now?

Here is a question that people ask me "If you knew then, what you know now .... would you stay with Ed?"  .... that is probably the hardest question for me to answer.  The answer is "I DON'T KNOW".  I know that isn't the answer that people want to hear .... but it is the truth!

First of all, I love Ed so very much!  I'm happy that we are together, I am happy that he is healthy and I am so happy with the incredible family we have.  AND I would love to say that I have no regrets at all .... but that would be a lie.  I don't like to dwell on the past, I am here now, I am happy today and I did the best I could at the time.  But, that question is often asked and I wonder if I had the knowledge and tools that I have today ... would I have made different choices?

Sex Addiction, Insanity & The Grandpa Room ....

You told me she was ready to be a mom ....

You wanted to live in a house together but date other people .....

You said you had sex with her and it was the most incredible experience of your life ....

You said you never really loved me .....

You also said to "Put it in the Grandpa Room" ......

What???!!!  First of all what is a Grandpa Room? .... And what am I even putting there?  OK - it was that last statement that brought me to the realization that he was actually INSANE!  All of the other things he said hurt ... and the hurt still runs deep ....  but once he told me to put it in the Grandpa Room, I realized what an insane place his mind was in.  He wasn't even on planet earth, actually he was somewhere in a galaxy far, far away (Star Wars anyone????). 

Sex addiction memories suck ... today RULES!

It's amazing when you reflect back on your life the feelings that it can create.  I often look back on my college years and I think of how much incredible fun we had ... or I think back to my childhood and I am brought back to my life as a hard core athlete (man, where did that athlete go???) ... I also reflect on our early days of marriage and the kids and again I think of all fantastic times.   It's interesting how I conveniently forget the struggles and craziness that has been part of our crazy life with sex addiction!

Being a positive person is my thing, my brain is just naturally wired that way.  I'm not sure why but I was born an optimist, I have always made people laugh and I can see the positive in ANY situation.  The glass is usually half full in my world .... which is a great way to live, an inspiring way to live actually.  Especially in the world that I live in,  this method of mindfulness has been so important for my day to day survival.