It is so tempting to stand on the rooftop and scream "My husband is a Sex Addict everyone! He cheated, he lied, he ignored ... but please don't judge us, we are doing the best we can!"
The reality is we don't and certainly can't do that. Society for the most part judges our spouses for being douche bags and judges us for staying with such assholes. We are forced to put on happy faces and pretend like everything is normal ....
It is so hard pretending that your life is "normal", that your life isn't about to implode any second, especially in public. That is a really challenging part of navigating on this path of recovery. If you are getting divorced than maybe it is something you can tell, but not this .... definitely not this!
Ed & I finally watched the movie "SHAME" last week! Wow, is all I have to say. It is a movie about a man and his sex addiction. I am not sure what I expected but I am still shaken by the emotions that I felt watching it. I am not sure if I even liked the movie, if you don't understand the world of sex addiction I am not even sure if you would fully comprehend everything that went on ... but what had the biggest impact for me was the loneliness that Michael (the lead character) felt. It was so intense and so real that it stayed with me for days ... the loneliness was just so heartbreaking.
Here is a question that people ask me "If you knew then, what you know now .... would you stay with Ed?" .... that is probably the hardest question for me to answer. The answer is "I DON'T KNOW". I know that isn't the answer that people want to hear .... but it is the truth!
First of all, I love Ed so very much! I'm happy that we are together, I am happy that he is healthy and I am so happy with the incredible family we have. AND I would love to say that I have no regrets at all .... but that would be a lie. I don't like to dwell on the past, I am here now, I am happy today and I did the best I could at the time. But, that question is often asked and I wonder if I had the knowledge and tools that I have today ... would I have made different choices?
