Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Making A GREAT Life

HELLO out there!!!!  Seriously, it has been way too long since I have posted on my blog.  At this point, I figured you all deserved an update on my life.  It's been a VERY crazy many months and I have been focusing on my kids and our business.  First of all, things are going AMAZING on that end!  Our life coaching business with Feed The Right Wolf has been steadily growing and we now are coaching clients all over the world and are in 12 countries now!  It is so fulfilling to be able to be a part of CHANGING PEOPLE'S LIVES!  It is awesome!!!


We are also at a point where we want to EMBRACE all of what LIFE HAS TO OFFER!!!  Too often, we have goals and dreams but we procrastinate and let them fall to the side ... you know, because everything is just so much more important.  Especially when dealing with any tough issue in your life (like addiction for most of you reading this) but the reality is that if we don't take care of ourselves and find things to keep us going, to fulfill us, to empower us ... we will just go on existing!  And just existing is NOT finding our HAPPINESS.  It is up to each and every one of us to find our passions, embrace them and not let the crap of every day life hold us back!!!  We all deserve that!!!

What are those things in life that you have always wanted to do?  Well, my family and I decided we wanted to be in a play and we got involved in community theatre.  To make a very long story short, Craig, has always wanted to be in a play.  He has been breakdancing and rapping since the 7th grade (he's now 42) and had the chance to be the Tin Man in his high school production but chickened out (partly because it wasn't cool AND partly due to outside influences).  He has regretted that decision for the past 21 years!

For me ... My fear was singing in front of people ALONE .. but that is what you have to do in an audition!  I thought to myself after everything I have been through and shared with people ... "I am scared to do this???!!!!" .... that just wasn't going to fly with me.  I truly want to practice what I preach so it was important to me to do it too!

Well, we decided to do it and do it together as a family.  And luck, or awesomeness, would have it Craig got the part of the Tin Man.  The stars were aligned on this one ... first of all because that was the part he never embraced in HS ... and because of the character himself.  The Tin Man wants a heart, needs a heart but in the end he ALWAYS had a heart .... he just needed to embrace the LOVE that he truly had inside.  So, this was inspiring on many different levels for us!

I wanted to share Craig's words on facebook about this experience ... his words should inspire each and every one of us to live our lives to the fullest.  For guys who are struggling with addiction ... to know that they aren't alone and there is hope!  That you can change the way you think .... not as a victim but as someone who CHOOSES their path .... right here and right now!!!


"In high school I had the chance to be in a play but I chickened out. I loved to rap and dance but I was a jock that's not what jocks do. I said, "that was gay." (of course I didn't know better). 
I put myself in a box . . . as a sexual abuse survivor this was a very confused and ugly box. 

I've thought about this cowardice every single play I've been too since 1989. Every single one. It doesn't matter if it's a kids play about the biosphere or Miss Saigon. . . I did't matter. Like clockwork Michelle would look over and there I was with a face full of tears. 

This Friday I restore balance to the force. I slay a dragon that's been haunting me since 1989. Good bye box. 

l am the Tinman . . . and I've always had a heart. 

And I get to do it with my incredible wife and two awesome kids. We are all in this play. Wait till you see Michelle's dancing. She is incredible - and she is my soulmate."


As for me ... this gave me the opportunity to find myself again!  It has felt incredible.  Back in my younger days, I was quite the athlete (gymnast and high jumper - actually went to a Division 1 college for high jumping) and it has been hard to keep up with that as an adult.  Especially once kids come into the picture ... it is very common for women to just focus so much on our families that we really forget what our dreams once were ... or what we were good at ... or what lights a fire under our ass ... or what just makes us feel alive!!!

Theatre itself was out of my comfort zone but competing, being on a team, dancing and flipping is all the stuff that I once loved!  This made me realize that I still can rock it ... I am doing things again that I haven't done in 20 years and it feels wonderful.  And it is all because I TRIED ... I faced something that seemed uncomfortable ... I faced my fear .... I did something for ME .... I just tried something new and threw away the excuses of why it wouldn't work or why I wouldn't be good enough.

I walked down a completely new road and guess what?  It created a NEW BEGINNING for me!  Who knew I was still great at dancing and my cartwheels (and remember, I am not 20 anymore) were the best of anyone there.  And I was asked to participate in the theatre's next production because I WAS good enough!!!!  And I never would have known that unless I tried something new!!!

So, I am telling you this story because there is a lesson to be learned here ...

  • What Fear Is Holding You Back From Something YOU Want To Do?
  • How Can You Face That Fear And Try Something New?
Decide what you want to do in your life and MAKE THE COMMITMENT to actually doing it!  A dream is just a dream until you create ACTION!!!  Create action in your life ... YOU are the only one who CAN!!!!

10 comments:

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  2. Really wish you guys were still doing podcasts. You probably have no idea how many people you've helped!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! We have been super busy with life, work and we have been immersed in our latest project … creating an online porn / sex addiction course to help people create the life that they DO want. Unfortunately our podcast has fallen off quite a bit. But, you are not the first person to tell us that and that we are missed … so we are getting back into the PODCAST routine. We really love doing that together … it's an amazing feeling to know that people listen and feel inspired by our story, our journey and our tools to move forward and heal. Thanks for letting us know that we make a difference!!!!

      We have a new podcast since you posted this and we are getting into a more regular routine this week! Feel free to send us any questions or topics that you would like us to cover … we would LOVE to hear them!!!

      Thanks for the feedback! It means a lot!!!

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    2. I can't wait to hear about the course. That's awesome.

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    3. Thanks my friend! We are getting ready to launch it within a month! So, it should be up and ready to go by July. We are really excited about it and know that Craig will be able to help so many more people really focus on creating the awesome life that they really want! I'll keep you posted!

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  3. I just found this blog and have binge read it over the past 2 days. I am so happy to finally see that I'm not the only person who thinks there can be a beautiful ending/new start to a sad story. I have read and read and read studies and psychology and how to save your marriage til I could barely see since I finally confirmed my husbands addiction on Valentines day of this year. I was scared and alone with 2 kids while he was away for work for 4 months. I almost think it was better he was gone when I learned the truth because it gave me time to process. I know I am committed to my marriage and my family, but I have not been able to say a word of this to anyone so I am so glad to say it here. I need to find a way to get him comfortable with talking about it. We are in counseling (thank God my job provides that to employees free), but I know he is still scared to tell me the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When I try to talk about it or ask questions he gets defensive or says "not now" however I would rather get it all out on the table (even though it's scary and disgusting the things he did). I'm just glad to see someone else has made it work. I pray I can get my husband to show me he really is putting in the work, as much as I am. I want the man I started dating 4 years ago back!

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    1. Hello there!!! I am SOOO sorry I am just responding to you now, a month later, UGH! It takes courage to reach out and you did, and that is amazing! Again, I am sorry! I have not been very active on my blog the past year and a half, we have very busy with our coaching practice ... it's been amazing to be help so many people through this storm. So, we have been very busy, and my blog has definitely taken a back seat.

      First, I am glad he is willing to get help. Couple's counseling is crucial AND is he doing his own work with a program? It is important for long term change for him to also do his own healing program as well. That space might allow him to face some of the challenging things that have contributed to his addiction. Anyway, I always recommend that men do both ... couple's work and their own addiction program.

      Many guys will commit to help but do get defensive or angry when they have to look back. They prefer to move forward completely while the partner is like ... "yes, I want to move forward but I need the truth to develop trust". Both need to happen and it can be challenging to show them that. I mean think about it ... They feel like shit over what they did, feeling like shit that they hurt you, and looking back makes them face your pain and that is hard for them ... so they get defensive. BUT .. what they need to realize is that being able to look back is part of the process of developing empathy, which is crucial. So, that is an important place for him to find a middle ground.

      I am so glad I was able to provide hope and positivity for you through this. I have worked with and seen many couple's come out the other end of this happier and healthier than ever before. If everyone is willing to do the work than it can be a wonderful journey.

      Check out my hubby's website for men. We just launched our online recovery course for men this month. We are really proud of it and it puts Craig's 12 week recovery course that he does 1 on 1 with clients into an interactive online program. It's much cheaper than his 1 on 1 work and it also has a community support forum where the men can support, learn and encourage each other. That is so important in healing, owning your crap and not feeling alone in this. Crucial to healing. Here is the link if you want to check it out:

      http://www.themindfulhabit.com

      Anyway, thanks again for reaching out!!! BIG hugs to you!!!!!!

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