Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Making A GREAT Life

HELLO out there!!!!  Seriously, it has been way too long since I have posted on my blog.  At this point, I figured you all deserved an update on my life.  It's been a VERY crazy many months and I have been focusing on my kids and our business.  First of all, things are going AMAZING on that end!  Our life coaching business with Feed The Right Wolf has been steadily growing and we now are coaching clients all over the world and are in 12 countries now!  It is so fulfilling to be able to be a part of CHANGING PEOPLE'S LIVES!  It is awesome!!!

We are also at a point where we want to EMBRACE all of what LIFE HAS TO OFFER!!!  Too often, we have goals and dreams but we procrastinate and let them fall to the side ... you know, because everything is just so much more important.  Especially when dealing with any tough issue in your life (like addiction for most of you reading this) but the reality is that if we don't take care of ourselves and find things to keep us going, to fulfill us, to empower us ... we will just go on existing!  And just existing is NOT finding our HAPPINESS.  It is up to each and every one of us to find our passions, embrace them and not let the crap of every day life hold us back!!!  We all deserve that!!!

What are those things in life that you have always wanted to do?  Well, my family and I decided we wanted to be in a play and we got involved in community theatre.  To make a very long story short, Craig, has always wanted to be in a play.  He has been breakdancing and rapping since the 7th grade (he's now 42) and had the chance to be the Tin Man in his high school production but chickened out (partly because it wasn't cool AND partly due to outside influences).  He has regretted that decision for the past 21 years!

For me ... My fear was singing in front of people ALONE .. but that is what you have to do in an audition!  I thought to myself after everything I have been through and shared with people ... "I am scared to do this???!!!!" .... that just wasn't going to fly with me.  I truly want to practice what I preach so it was important to me to do it too!

Well, we decided to do it and do it together as a family.  And luck, or awesomeness, would have it Craig got the part of the Tin Man.  The stars were aligned on this one ... first of all because that was the part he never embraced in HS ... and because of the character himself.  The Tin Man wants a heart, needs a heart but in the end he ALWAYS had a heart .... he just needed to embrace the LOVE that he truly had inside.  So, this was inspiring on many different levels for us!

I wanted to share Craig's words on facebook about this experience ... his words should inspire each and every one of us to live our lives to the fullest.  For guys who are struggling with addiction ... to know that they aren't alone and there is hope!  That you can change the way you think .... not as a victim but as someone who CHOOSES their path .... right here and right now!!!

"In high school I had the chance to be in a play but I chickened out. I loved to rap and dance but I was a jock that's not what jocks do. I said, "that was gay." (of course I didn't know better). 
I put myself in a box . . . as a sexual abuse survivor this was a very confused and ugly box. 

I've thought about this cowardice every single play I've been too since 1989. Every single one. It doesn't matter if it's a kids play about the biosphere or Miss Saigon. . . I did't matter. Like clockwork Michelle would look over and there I was with a face full of tears. 

This Friday I restore balance to the force. I slay a dragon that's been haunting me since 1989. Good bye box. 

l am the Tinman . . . and I've always had a heart. 

And I get to do it with my incredible wife and two awesome kids. We are all in this play. Wait till you see Michelle's dancing. She is incredible - and she is my soulmate."

As for me ... this gave me the opportunity to find myself again!  It has felt incredible.  Back in my younger days, I was quite the athlete (gymnast and high jumper - actually went to a Division 1 college for high jumping) and it has been hard to keep up with that as an adult.  Especially once kids come into the picture ... it is very common for women to just focus so much on our families that we really forget what our dreams once were ... or what we were good at ... or what lights a fire under our ass ... or what just makes us feel alive!!!

Theatre itself was out of my comfort zone but competing, being on a team, dancing and flipping is all the stuff that I once loved!  This made me realize that I still can rock it ... I am doing things again that I haven't done in 20 years and it feels wonderful.  And it is all because I TRIED ... I faced something that seemed uncomfortable ... I faced my fear .... I did something for ME .... I just tried something new and threw away the excuses of why it wouldn't work or why I wouldn't be good enough.

I walked down a completely new road and guess what?  It created a NEW BEGINNING for me!  Who knew I was still great at dancing and my cartwheels (and remember, I am not 20 anymore) were the best of anyone there.  And I was asked to participate in the theatre's next production because I WAS good enough!!!!  And I never would have known that unless I tried something new!!!

So, I am telling you this story because there is a lesson to be learned here ...

  • What Fear Is Holding You Back From Something YOU Want To Do?
  • How Can You Face That Fear And Try Something New?
Decide what you want to do in your life and MAKE THE COMMITMENT to actually doing it!  A dream is just a dream until you create ACTION!!!  Create action in your life ... YOU are the only one who CAN!!!!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Guest Blog .... "What I Learned From Dating A Porn Addict With Bipolar Disorder"

The journey of healing from sex and porn addiction that Craig and I have been on has certainly been an interesting one. It has provided us with such amazing growth, awareness, presence, connection and a new passion to help others. It has led us to some amazing women, some amazing men and some amazing couples!!! I love how once Craig and I talk about what we do for a living (coaching men, women and couples to heal from this addiction) and openly tell people our story how people feel incredibly comfortable reaching out for support. I wanted to share this story from an AMAZING WOMAN, a friend of mine, who decided to write down her story, what she learned and share it with others. I am sooo proud of her and I know this blog needed to be shared ... THANK YOU my friend for putting yourself out there, it is so incredibly brave!!!

"What I Learned From Dating A Porn Addict With Bipolar Disorder"

If you’re reading this, thank you. I assume it is because you are either dealing with something similar, know someone in this situation, or frankly are just curious about my experiences; any of which are perfectly OK with me.
I decided to speak about my experiences because they matter. They matter because they happened to me and because I am a human being with feelings that need to be expressed. They also matter because too many men and women are going through this same thing and sometimes we just need to hear someone talk about an experience that we are all too familiar with, but sometimes are scared to say out loud. It’s important to talk about this in a way that doesn’t shame the addict, and doesn’t victimize the partner opposite of an addict.
Writing this is a healing process for me. The shock of my break-up and the reasons behind it are still very real and hard for me. I don’t aim to air my dirty laundry for pity, or cast negative light on someone I still love very much, but rather to hopefully inspire the motivation for change in others who might be struggling with a porn addiction.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Can YOU Feed Your Right Wolf?

Hi everyone! I am just going to start this blog with another, I can't believe how LONG it has been since I have spewed my words all over here! So, I'm sorry about that ... I know many of my AMAZING ladies out there really look for support and guidance and it is important to me to keep that up because we all know that I care and truly want to support this community ... even if it is just SENDING OUT A BIG HUG to you all!!! So, here is my HUG!!!!

One thing that has been keeping me busy is that Craig and I (or Ed if you only read about us on here) have become the official Recovery Coaches for the website Feed The Right Wolf. It is a wonderful and VERY popular resource for people struggling with sex or porn addiction and their partners.  

If you don't already know the story of what Feed The Right Wolf means, it's pretty motivating. Basically, it is an old Native American tale of a father who was talking to his son and explains that 2 wolves live inside of us .... one good and one bad. The boy asks his dad "which wolf wins". And the dad replies "The One You Feed".  

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Free Webinar For Porn Addiction

Hello everyone!  Really cool day today, my amazing hubby is co-hosting a FREE webinar talking about porn addiction, understanding it and how to start making healthy choices.

I am really excited for him to have a place to help other men and hopefully inspire them to embrace their lives and start truly living it!!!!  I think it's a great resource to pass on to some partners who maybe need a little extra motivation, understanding of their porn problems or just to listen to 2 guys who have been there turned their lives around and saved their marriages!

Friday, February 1, 2013

How Do We Cope With The Insanity Of Betrayal?

Hello my AMAZING ladies out there! I have not been writing very much lately and I have felt really bummed about that. I'm sorry that it seemed that I have kind of dropped off my blog ... I have been doing a lot of work helping women and couples through this mess and it has been sooo rewarding! I get busy though and I have sooo missed this awesome place where I can just spew my verbal diarrhea ... and hopefully INSPIRE someone along the way!

SO, here is a GREAT question that one of my fabulous women asked me and I wanted to share my answer with you .... I think it is something that many women wonder and struggle with. So, maybe this can help a bit ...

Here is what she asked:   
How did u ever get through this? I don't think I can ... Why me?

This is such a commonly asked question and I think that so many of us ask this question to ourselves over and over and over until our minds are spinning out of control. It is a simple yet oh, so complex question. There is just no easy answer on how to get through this, or how to feel better.  This part truly sucks!  But here is how I got through it ... ... it was VERY hard and VERY painful and VERY sucky!!!! I wont sugar coat that part at all, that is the reality.