SO, here is a GREAT question that one of my fabulous women asked me and I wanted to share my answer with you .... I think it is something that many women wonder and struggle with. So, maybe this can help a bit ...
Here is what she asked:
How did u ever get through this? I don't think I can ... Why me?
This is such a commonly asked question and I think that so many of us ask this question to ourselves over and over and over until our minds are spinning out of control. It is a simple yet oh, so complex question. There is just no easy answer on how to get through this, or how to feel better. This part truly sucks! But here is how I got through it ... ... it was VERY hard and VERY painful and VERY sucky!!!! I wont sugar coat that part at all, that is the reality.
BUT, I DID survive. It took time and tears and learning how to sit with the crap that felt like my life. Learning how to take my feelings, bring them inside of me and use them as a source of empowerment ... I used my pain to teach me not to be a victim in this. It empowered me to take care of myself, learn who I truly am and to stand up for myself ... now that doesn't mean leaving or staying .. it just means that I expected an equal, or rather a stronger, place in this recovery.
Once you can learn to sit with the pain, to literally bear the weight of it, to allow it it's voice and not just push it away it becomes so much less scary. When we aren't so scared of those negative, intense emotions ... anger, sadness, loneliness, overwhelmedness (I think I made that word up - lol) you can LOVINGLY and COMPASSIONATELY support it and not run away from it. Once you learn to stop running and embrace the reality of what is ... it puts you in a place that is more bearable. Let's face it ... life from time to time is going to throw crap at you ... this is a lesson that we can carry throughout our lives, into sooo many situations. This is the piece that has helped me for my LIFE not just in my relationship ... I am thankful for that!!!! See ... the silver lining, there is ALWAYS something to be learned!
And as I am sure you already know, running away from it only pushes it into a box in your mind and it will come out at another time and often that other time is sideways in a way that you don't even understand. That can be so much more destructive later on ... it may feel better temporarily but in the long run it doesn't provide true healing and growth. It is part of you, it is part of what has happened, and let's be there for it entirely!!!
So, I INVITE you to try an exercise for me. Try and imagine a possibility that there may be something in this mess that you will look back in 6 months and wonder in admiration of yourself how you used this nightmare as a source of growth. Pretend this is 6 months from now ...
Fill in the blank ..... I am incredibly proud of myself for surviving this nightmare which inspired me to grow in the following 3 ways
This process takes time, time to process the sad and the pain. These wounds do not heal quickly ... but they can heal, I promise! For me, it was about making peace with it.
So ... the question Why Me? Well, let me ask you the question why not you? We can ask why me all we want ... but it doesn't deal with right here, right now. I look at it like I was presented with an opportunity to grow in ways I would have never before ... and why me? Well ... I'm even more fabulous now than I was before so I am going to rephrase that statement and say ... GO ME!!!
My next post I am going to give you guys an exercise to help encourage some mindfulness ... or presence! It is so hard not to live in and swirl in the past .. so a big key is learning to sit with, enjoy and embrace the present moment! I promise you will hear from me next week with that exercise!!!
OK ... LEAVE ME YOUR ANSWERS on the 3 ways that you might grow in this! Let's start a discussion and help each other! How can this nightmare help you GROW? Give me 3 ideas .... OK ... your turn .............