Monday, January 23, 2012

One Ring to Bind Them . . .

Do you ever hear a line from a movie that speaks right to you?  One that stops you in your tracks when you hear it?  A line of inspiration given in a moment when you need it most?  In that moment you actually believe that the universe might actually be speaking to you?

Yesterday, my hubby and I were watching one of the greatest movies of all time . . .  "Lord of The Rings".  The main character Frodo was feeling lost and confused, unsure as to why he had been giving the HUGE responsibility of destroying the ring (it's an evil ring, a darkness that consumes all that hold it    - hhmmm very interesting, sounds a bit like addiction, huh?) .  Anyway, he had to face challenge after challenge, testing his own strength and fortitude.  In a moment of weakness, a moment when he was feeling sorry for himself that life had dealt him this card, a moment where he felt he could not go on . . . this is what he said:
I wish this ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf, the great all knowing and wise wizard replies to him:
So do all who live to see such times but it is not for them to decide.  All you have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to you.

Monday, January 16, 2012


I was reading an article and came across this creature described in terms of relationships.  My curiosity was peaked, I mean I love any mythological or supernatural being so I was curious what this had to do with people and love.  Here is the definition I found:

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Triggers . . .

As Ed and I move forward together I find that I can get triggered by something (his actions, his words or even a place) that reminds me of those bad times.  It's like I am brought right back into that moment of craziness, sadness and feelings of betrayal that I had during the "rough times".  These triggers of "insanity" as I like to call them, can be so subtle that I don't even realize why I am feeling so emotional, angry or maybe even resentful.  Or the triggers can be so blazingly obvious that I actually find it hard to breathe!

So, here is an example of something that triggers me all the time . . . ok - there is this path by my house.  It is a great path, a relaxing path where my kids and I ride bikes and take walks.  I LOVE that path!  Well, so does Ed.  When Ed's addiction was starting to crumble and he began to see that life couldn't continue his way, he walked on the path a lot.  He agreed to stay home this particular weekend but that was sooo hard for him at that point.  He was actually withdrawing from his "drug" . . . SEX. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Just Chill . . . .

So, I am going to have to change my hubby's name for my blog because"A" just gets confusing during my writing.  So, I am changing him to Ed, short for Edward . . . my vampire soulmate!  I am a Twilight junkie (please don't judge me!) and as I told you before, I obviously have a thing for the poor and tortured soul.  So, my hubby will be Ed  . . . I love it!!!!!

I want to start really sharing some of the things that have happened during my marriage . . . the really painful and sometimes kind of funny stories of our crazy life.  Sometimes life was awful, sometimes life was fantastic and sometimes life just hummed along.  Although I wish that we didn't have to go through the really tough times, those experience are all part of me.  I have learned to open myself up and really feel the good and really feel the bad.  It feels so wonderful to not run from those bad feelings.  For me, if I open up and own those feelings they become so much easier to bear.    

As I sit here writing tonight and thinking about the bad times, I didn't realize how raw the pain still is . . . how it still suffocates me as I am writing this. . . . just thinking about how alone I felt during those times can bring me to my knees .  Wow, those feelings are so powerful .... but I know that I wouldn't be able to move on toward a wonderful life with Ed if I weren't able to feel them as deeply as I do.