We all know that no one in this relationship feels safe ... definitely not the spouse who literally has just gotten the safety ripped out from under her ... and surely not the addict who at the core of his insecurities is often terrified of true intimacy. And without true intimacy the sex will be just ok and we all risk repeating the patterns that brought us here in the first place.
So, to make a really long story short .... through our recovery I realized what I really needed, what I truly desired was INTIMACY. It's the connection and the closeness that actually filled that need for me. To truly feel loved (there is a difference between knowing our husband's love us and truly to the depth of our hearts feeling the love) was the important piece to make me happy that I stayed, to know that I have worked my ass off to create the happiness that I know I deserve ... a relationship of fun, love and amazing equal respect.