Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The HIGH of new love

I read an article today that really caught my attention.  It was named "Distinguishing Real Love from Love Addiction".  This was a great article, written by Sharon O'Hara, MFT.  I highly recommend reading it!  One sentence keeps ringing in my head.  It states that "People fall in love with the HIGH of new love".  That is so true, new relationships do give you a "HIGH".  And it is a wonderful high!

I mean, who doesn't love the start of a relationship?  When everything is so new and fun . . . you can't stop thinking about that person, just the mention of their name sends excitement throughout your body, their little 'quirks' are adorable . . . I could go on forever on how fantastic that is.  We have all been there and let's face it:  it's amazing!

But that "high" can be a problem for a love addict.  Love addicts are constantly chasing that high.  It acts like a drug in their brain, just like sex is the drug in the sex addict's brain.  This high is like a "magically altered state of reality" and once it wears off the person needs to find that again, even at the expense of their partner.

Ed and I understand this concept all too well.  Love addiction is definitely an issue that has crept into our lives.  This "love addiction" has only happened twice in our marriage . . . but those times were devastating.  He would go somewhere to fulfill the needs of his sex addiction (1 time was with a stripper and the other time was with a prostitute)... and then it became a crazy, whirlwind of a "love" affair!  In those moments of insanity he would mistake that "high or drug" for love and his mind had found his answer.  The answer to the happiness that he had been searching for.  But with any addictive relationship it would end as fast and intense as it started, which created a horrible state of withdrawal and pain for him . . . and of course for me as well.  

We can all learn something however from this love addiction.   I think each of us has a bit of love addiction in us.  That newness and intensity at the beginning is a wonderful part of a relationship . . . one that I will never forget in mine!  Maybe that is why some people cheat (not sex or love addicts) . . . Are they trying to find that high and that excitement that they have lost in their own relationship?  Can we work together to find it again?  I truly believe that we can...

Maybe that is why I love my paranormal romance books so much ... I read them like I am an addict.  LOL!

But seriously now... the important question is TEAM EDWARD or TEAM JACOB?   You all know which team I am on!!!!


  1. Thank you so much for starting this blog! My husband and I are going through this right now and I am still deciding wether or not our relationship can survive this. His addiction is to erotic chats with mostly random people. This time, there have been multiple other times, it involved a coworker and he almost crossed the line into the physical realm. I believe that would have actually occured had I not discovered what he was doing.

    He is now admitted that he has a problem and is seeking help. I have been trying to come to terms with everything and trying to figure out how to heal me. Your blog has been very inspiring to me. Thank you.

    My husband has started an online journal that is helping him heal and me to realize that this is not my fault. YOur blog is helping me to realize that there is life beyond this

    1. Thank you soooo much for sharing and reaching out!!!! It is wonderful that you are looking for your own support because I have learned how "REALLY IMPORTANT" that is! I know how hard this time is for you . . . it really sucks!!!!

      Do you have kids?

      You are right . . it isn't your fault!!! Taking care of yourself is crucial and I am so happy to hear that you are doing that. Are you seeing a therapist? I didn't at other parts of his addiction but this time I did . . . and it made a HUGE difference in "our" recovery. My therapist wrote a fantastic book to help couple's get through this . . . Here is the link: A Couple's Guide To Sex Addiction It really helped us a lot!

      Also, our therapists have a really good website that you may find helpful. Compulsion Solutions George is my hubby's therapist and he wrote a book for the sex addict. My hubby says (and he has done many different therapies) it is the new paradigm in sex addiction treatment. Plus George is a former sex addict so he really gets it and has an amazing way that has saved my hubby's life. Anyway, it might be a helpful resource to you and they do do phone sessions too. Hope that helps!!!

      It is so wonderful that you were able to get the message that I am trying to throw out to the world. A relationship can survive this, you can be happier in the end because of it . .. and if that isn't working for you than you will SURVIVE too!!!! You don't need to make any decisions right now, take it day by day and give yourself time to heal . . .

      Please feel free to email me at anytime. . . . at . . . . sometimes you just need an ear to listen and to know that you are being heard by someone that can understand!

      Good luck, stay strong and remember . . . you are not alone in this!!!