Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

So, Where do I even begin?  My brain has so much info trying to slip it's way out that it is hard for me to organize them into coherent thoughts!  Anyway, I will start by telling you a tiny bit about my hubby.  

He is one of the most kind, thoughtful, funny, and awesome people that I know (he is truly my best friend and a wonderful dad to our kids) . . . . AND he also can be very selfish, annoying, moody and sometimes just damn rude.  I like to say he is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde . . . although, now that he is really dealing with his underlying issues the 2 sides of him are not distinct anymore.  It is really cool to see that!  (Again, I will talk more about that later).  

He is also a victim of some pretty awful abuse during his childhood - physically, emotionally and sexually abused.  Just to add more crap to the pile he was also adopted and really was affected by the whole "being abandoned" thing .  

That is definately NOT a SUPRISE when dealing with this kind of addiction or any addiction for that matter.  Like my hubby, many addicts have suffered some form of abuse . . . 
They say that addiction is a way to numb the pain.  Of course I knew all of this when I met him and frankly I always felt tremendous pain within myself for him . . . I am a VERY compassionate person, I really feel very deeply for others and what they go through.  Now, that is a wonderful trait to have and at times not great at all.  

Frankly, that is where I have had to learn to give that same compassion to myself.  And give it to myself FIRST!  Some experts say the things we (as the "other") deal with and reactions we have can be similar to a post traumatic stress.  Trust me . . . I definately suffered some of that during his last bender!!!!   

Anyway, when talking about him I am going to refer to my crazy hubby as Annakin (or simply A) . . .  you know, Star Wars  . . . Darth Vader's younger self before he turned into one of the greatest villian's of all time!  Annakin was a good man and a great warrior.  

He had so much love to give but carried too much pain and fear within himself.  In the end,  Annakin chose the dark side when he turned into Darth Vader.  He truly lost his way and just couldn't find his way back . . . . . yes, I just love Star Wars (who doesn't right?).   Anyway, my hubby . . . or A . . . could have easily lost his way and turn to the bad side.  He has lost his way at times but has always found his way back  . . .!!!

I hope you keep coming back and staying updated on my posts.  With my next post I am going to discuss the "Trauma" I suffered discovering the truth and when I felt stuck in that place where I didn't know what the hell to do!  I know there are people out there that hear me!!!!  

Please share your story or thoughts!!!!

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