Sunday, December 4, 2011


I am married to a SEX ADDICT.  There it is . . .  I said it and it feels great to finally say it OUT LOUD!!!  This is really not something that is easy to share with people . . . and the fact that we are still together or that I have chosen to stay in the marriage is even harder for most people to understand.  So, obviously I don't talk about it much  . . . except to my wonderful, non judgy friends who know almost everything.  AND we can't forget my AWESOME therapist who keeps me sane on a bi-weekly basis!!!!

So why am I writing this?  Well, I really wanted a place where I can share my shocking story and maybe help someone who is struggling with similar issues.  I have been through so much and because of the shameful nature of sex addiction we as "spouses or others" often feel alone.  Sex addiction is growing so fast and so many people and families are suffering.  Hopefully, my experiences can help to realize that "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".  I chose to stay with my hubby but that isn't the right answer for everyone.  The decision of whether to stay in your marriage or leave it is a completely personal one and NO ONE can judge you for the choices you make.  There is no right or wrong with this . . .  remember that!

It is hard being the "other" with addictions.  There are tons of resources for the addict but what about us? We are pushed to the side and it is really important to realize how much we suffer too.  We are often so focused on our partners that we forget to get the support that is crucial to healing within ourselves.  After being betrayed in this way (and I am sure if you are reading this than you understand all too well what I am talking about) how are we supposed to repair the damage if we don't provide love and support to ourselves?  With sex addiction in particular I truly believe that healing as a family unit is crucial to real recovery of the addict.  This is true whether or not you choose to stay together and especially true if kids are involved. 

What makes sex addiction so tough is that we are betrayed in such a deeply personal way.  Sex, the very thing in your relationship that is supposed to be so intimate and awesome is completely cut off from you and given out to anybody but you.  IT SUCKS!  And it hurts!!!  The pain runs real deep within us.  It is a tough fact to swallow and VERY hard not to take it personal.  Your partner may be obsessed with porn or your partner may act out sexually (which mine did . . . and I will get into the details of that in a later post).  Either way it hurts a ton . . . and it is a challenge to move forward for us, even once the recovery has began.

If you struggling with this issue too  . . . remember, you will get through this!  I don't know whether you will stay together or not . .  or if  you will even WANT to stay together or not.  But the important thing to remember is that you "WILL SURVIVE" this.  Hopefully,  my story will help others to make positive choices for themselves and just give a place for all of us to be heard.  It is great to "BE HEARD"!

So, please join me on my journey as I tell my story.  And trust me . . . it is a long story (I have been with my hubby for 18 years) so I will share a little at a time.  I have nothing to hide on this blog and that feels empowering!  My hubby and I are finally in a good place, thanks to George and Paldrom  . . . the INCREDIBLE therapists who saved us.  I truly think that if I hadn't found George than my hubby would have died (or close to it).  This last last bender was a doozy!  And we really don't plan on repeating it again!!!!!! 

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