Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wow, I haven't written anything in a LONG time! It is amazing how the craziness of life, work and family creeps up on you and before you know it over 2 months have gone by without a single word from me!!! I truly must stand up and give a HUGE applause & hug to all of the fabulous women out there who blog ALL THE TIME. I just don't know how you do it!!! I really am impressed and I just want to say that before I move forward with my verbal diarrhea!!!!
One issue that I have been seeing with many of the women that I work with in my coaching practice at Compulsion Solutions is around the idea of compartmentalizing. Both people see that concept VERY differently. Many men see the compartmentalizing as that their minds were shut off and the acting out didn't mean anything to them ... it was just a physical thing, it wasn't really them - it was Mr. Hyde, not Dr. Jeckyl. But to us, to the partner, it sure meant something! It's a profound betrayal. Ed & I actually did a podcast where we talk about that concept of the 2 sides ..... Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Sex Addiction.
I do understand how they "compartmentalize" their behaviors (that is how our addict hubby's are able to do what they do), and it is true to an extent, but it doesn't make us feel any better in the moment. Those words don't comfort the wounds that are within us and in fact many men try to justify their behaviors that way ... and at times it can make us feel worse ... many women say it's like their whole life was a lie! To the guy, it was a different side to them .... but we don't think like that .... the addiction doesn't make sense to us so that doesn't make sense to us either.